How Kat T. Overcame Trauma in Recovery

My story is about traumas and the effect they had on my life.  My father was an alcoholic and died when I was 9.  I missed half of sixth grade because I was bullied and was afraid to go to school.  My mother remarried a man who did not talk to me from the age of 14 to the age of 45. I was anorexic at the age of 14 weighing only 85 pounds.  My 33-year-old brother died of cancer in seven weeks.

As a result of these traumas, I tried to be the perfect child.  I excelled in academics, athletics, and hiding my emotions.  I never got into trouble or made waves. I thought that if I was perfect at everything, I would be worthy of love.  Always looking for outside approval, I did not foster self-love. My self-loathing and insecurity grew over time; however, on the outside, I looked perfect.  I wore a mask for the outside world, so they did not see my imperfections!

At some point, this mask became too exhausting to bear.  This is when my drinking began to escalate.  I drank any time I did not want to deal with my emotions, which was often.  I was a lightweight in the beginning, but my tolerance grew, so my drinking became an everyday habit.  My husband and I were drinking buddies until my drinking got out of control.  I was very good at hiding my addiction under my mask of “perfection”, but he knew that I was struggling.

Finally, I was tired of being tired.  I knew that I had to make a change or my addiction would continue to spiral.  My psychiatrist gave me a list of rehabs to call.  The first four rehabs were rude or turned me away because I was not planning on going to rehab until the end of the school year.  I was about to give up, but there was one rehab left on my list:  Mountainside.  An angel from admissions assured me that a bed would be available when I was ready.  She called me every Friday to check on me before my admission date arrived.  I knew I had found the right place.

I think my father guided me toward Mountainside.  He wanted me to stop the cycle of addiction that took his life.  Every step I took from my clinician, to the people I met, to the amazing program was provided by my Higher Power.  The bond created between like-minded friends has been my true lifeline. Staying connected has been key!  The 6:30 virtual meetings allow me to share and be understood. The staff and the people I met along the way help me stay sober.  It has not been easy, but my experience at Mountainside Treatment Center created the foundation to allow me to move from trauma to triumph!