As I look back to the week of May 31, 2020, I remember what it felt like to hit my “rock bottom.” I was lost, full of despair, and spiritually bankrupt. It might not be what society thinks is rock bottom, but it was my own personal take on it. I fully admitted that I was powerless over my life and that it had become unbearable and unmanageable.
The shakes, nausea – the dependence I had on alcohol was like a modern-day love story. I felt my problems disappear, and when I was sad, lonely, or anxious, I turned to the love of my life, “the bottle,” for comfort. The smooth drop sliding down my throat would instantly lift any anxiety or sadness that I was feeling. More often than not, that would be a daily occurrence.
With open-heartedness and vulnerability, from the moment I stepped foot into the doors of Mountainside, I found out so much about myself. I was able to process the childhood trauma I experienced that has affected numerous relationships in my life. I also started to see myself as a strong and beautiful woman with a greater purpose in life than finishing the bottle. I realized that I had to let my guard down and surrender, knowing that was one of my weaknesses. I’ve learned that letting go doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means that you are healing. I understand that if I’m open-hearted and vulnerable, then I’m true to my recovery and myself. I’ve always had a big heart, and by being truthful and vulnerable, my heart just got bigger, and I became more present. This journey of becoming sober hasn’t been easy. I’ve lost my job of 9 years, lost some friends. However, I navigated myself around the “Bermuda Triangle “ of winter recovery and got another job. I’ve also learned how important it is to surround yourself with a strong support network. I have so many amazing and beautiful people that I can lean on through the tough times and celebrate my accomplishments with.
In closing, I’m grateful for Mountainside and all of the people I’ve met and continue to meet on this journey. With those relationships, I’m creating a much more solid and healthy “modern-day love story” that doesn’t include the bottle.
Remember to let go of the past so you can enjoy the present.
Sunshine and positive vibes,