As I write this, I am coming up on one year of sobriety. Mountainside saved my life.
I never felt I had hit a rock bottom, but now reflecting over the past year from a sober and clear mindset, I know that I did. My daughter had cut me out of her life, which also meant never seeing my grandson again. That was the most devastating thing that could have happened to me. I didn’t understand why she would do that. I sat in my basement, where I always would retreat to, having my shots, my glasses of wine, and smoking cigarettes. All of a sudden, I finally had my “aha!” moment. Something hit me, and I truly believe it was my higher power—God. In that moment I knew I needed to pick up the phone and call Mountainside. Four days later, I left to embark on “my journey.”
My journey has not been an easy one, but there have been many positive aspects that I will continue to grow from. I am slowly rebuilding my relationship with my daughter and my grandson. I am trying new things such as tai chi, meditation, daily readings and journaling—things I never thought I would do. These things have become part of my daily routine. I have found that routine is crucial for me to stay on my path of sobriety. I strive to attend meetings every day and I am in constant communication with my sober network. I have also learned the importance of boundaries and that it is okay to set them. There are a few family members who still tend to trigger some of my innermost feelings of anxiety. I have allowed myself to say no. ‘No’ is a sentence, after all.
I know I need to continue to try new things and break free from my past coping mechanism of isolation. Isolation is what started to become the death of me. Which brings me back to that day in the basement, at 2:20pm, a time I will never forget. My higher power—God—entered my thoughts and told me what I needed to hear: “You’ve got this; make the call.”
I will be forever grateful to Mountainside for all of their help, their ability to push me outside of my comfort zone, and for providing me with the tools I need to continue on my journey. I now know that there is light at the end of the tunnel.