I used to believe getting sober was impossible.
It was 2016. I was a career bartender. Alcohol was my occupation and my preoccupation. I couldn’t live without it and I certainly didn’t want to. My friends and family began to notice that my drinking was problematic, so I began to dabble with A.A. meetings and even made an attempt at going to rehab.
It was at these meetings that I heard stories about people who were living the sober lives of their dreams. They had soaring careers, wrote books, performed music, had beautiful families, and loving partners, and spent their time traveling to exotic places across the world. Those stories sounded lovely, and also a million miles away from the life that I was living.
The bar life was going to be the life for me. I mean, I had dreams, sure. I once wanted to be a model or an actress, but it was challenging for me to show up to castings or photoshoots after a late night of heavy drinking. My alcoholism was wrestling with my creativity and my passion … and winning.
It was during this time of experimenting with meetings that I learned that sobriety was, in fact, possible. And while that might have been true, I still believed that sobriety was impossible for me.
The day I got sober, I desperately searched barren cabinets for anything made of alcohol that could numb the excruciating mental and physical pain I was experiencing, and lift away the weight of the world that seemed to have abandoned itself on my shoulders.
When my solution failed to work, I finally made one of the most courageous decisions of my life, a call for help. I’ve been told that the minute you are no longer able to tolerate the pain of where you are, everything changes.
The change happened for me when my pain became the fuel that would inspire me to transform my life from fractured to fabulous.
That was April 12, 2018.
Thanks to Mountainside, A.A., my sponsor, and the fellowship, I made connections that helped me learn how to live a sober life and taught me that anything is possible, as long as I put my sobriety first.
Last year, I came across a quote by Julia Cameron which read, “Complete the following sentence: If I didn’t have to do it perfectly, I would try…” Right away I answered to myself, “I would try modeling and acting again!”
The quote felt like a sign from my higher power. I decided to make another courageous decision and sent my photos to a talent agency. I received my first contract in the of Fall 2022. By January 2023, I decided to change my career path and become a full-time model and actress. I am now enrolled at the New York Film Academy and I’ll be studying Acting for Film this spring.
When I first got sober, I didn’t know what the path ahead would look like, but I began to trust my higher power and knew that I would grow when I sought progress, not perfection. I don’t know exactly where my career will end up, but I believe that if I dream it, I can achieve it, one day at a time.
I wish somebody told me sooner that if you are experiencing pain in your life, you don’t need to wait for it to get worse before asking for help. There is a life out there beyond our wildest dreams waiting for us to live it! Believe in the impossible and make every day a miracle.
If you or a loved one is struggling with addiction, Mountainside can help.
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