I think it’s really funny that a lot of people think that because I do a lot of meditation and yoga and hiking and all of the other spiritual practices, that I don’t get angry anymore. And I actually feel like I feel more angry. Not more angry, but I feel my anger better these days. Because in an active addiction, I used to be the guy that whenever he felt angry, he just kept it to himself. And, the problem with pushing down anger is that it is always simmering underneath the surface. Whenever that built up and I would get triggering again, sometimes it would come out sideways and I would redirect it to people that didn’t deserve it.
So, what I’ve been told in recovery is to start feeling my feelings. And one of the things that has really helped me is meditation. In meditation, I can actually feel the energy coming up in my body. I can sense it. I can feel where it’s going, and when it’s ready, it’s going to leave. I don’t have to force it out.
When I feel an emotion, I know that it’s not gonna last. So, when somebody angers me and I get triggered by that, I can actually feel gratitude towards the person today. Because that person is telling me that there is something about me that needs to be healed. When I feel anger, I actually take a step back and I tell myself, “Don’t react to it.” Because when I react immediately to a situation, a lot of the time that action isn’t something that I want to do. But now, when I take that pause, and I have the chance for my higher power to come in and guide me in my next actions, then I’m actually doing things that I want to do.