For conversation’s sake, as someone in recovery, I can still “grab a drink” with my friends. While they tend to opt for a booze-induced cocktail, I rely on a simpler drink – sans alcohol. I quit drinking over three years ago, and the day I decided to put down the sauce was the day I decided it was time to burn my old life down. But, did burning it down mean I wasn’t fun anymore, or that I couldn’t go out and would have to hide indoors like a hermit? At first, that’s what I thought. I was convinced I was no fun without alcohol, but after a while, I learned that was false. It was a little white lie I told myself because part of me was scared to engage in social situations without liquid courage. Here’s the truth: you can make plans without alcohol and have an even better time than you would on any night out drinking. PLUS, living a life without hangovers is fantastic!
In the beginning, it took a few months of pushing myself to get to that point, mostly because my work as an Influencer required me to attend events and be social (off the Internet). I was in my head a lot of the time, watching women hold their cocktails ever so elegantly. (Tip: hanging out in your head is a dangerous place for anyone in recovery. Be bold and socialize – you’ll find it isn’t so bad out there.) Then, right before my very eyes, I warmed up to mingling without the ice-breaker drink. So, the funny thing about realizing you don’t need alcohol anymore to approach people is how awe-inspiring it can be to plunge into making new friends.
I was at another work event when I decided to greet an old Instagram acquaintance. Strolling up to her in my clumsiest manner (sobriety didn’t change how awkward I really am), I asked said friend for coffee the following day. Coffee seemed like a brilliant idea because it didn’t require me to fake my desire to hang out in bars. I felt good about my CGD (coffee girl-date) and planned to make more. In fact, I felt so good that I no longer had to step foot in a bar that I came up with a few other handy dandy girl-date ideas
From museum visits at the MoMA to lunch at my favorite chicken and waffles place (Sweet Chick, in Williamsburg), I hit the jackpot on booze-free plan-making. As of today, I have met with girlfriends at cafes to help them with their social media efforts, gone to SoulCycle as a group, ran errands (mostly shopping), and invited a few gal pals to fun work events as my plus-one. What I have come to find is most of my friends are either sober curious or simply not interested in drinking. So, when I invite them out for anything that doesn’t require the consumption of alcoholic beverages, they often seem relieved and delighted. Dear friends, you’re welcome!
If you are testing the waters with a new buddy, start with coffee or tea. It’s the best “day-drinking” option yet! See below for five of my favorite cafes in New York City. P.S. These also work great for first dates with a partner. Good luck!
Top Cafes in NYC for a Sober Date
How to Establish a Support Network
Building community support has never been more important than now. Licensed clinician Jana Wu shares her tips for developing a strong support network.
How to Tell if Someone is Drinking Too Much and How to Help
Learn the warning signs of alcoholism and what you can do to get your loved one the help they need
Sobriety vs Recovery: Why Giving Up Drugs and Alcohol Isn’t Enough
Sobriety does not stop at abstaining from drugs and alcohol. Emotional sobriety is the next step that helps us stay in recovery and become the best version of ourselves. Learn how mindfulness, patience, and making connections can help you on your journey of recovery.