Tips for Communicating Better with Your Loved One in Recovery

Key Takeaways: This article explains how to communicate effectively with loved ones in addiction recovery. It emphasizes that communication in recovery is crucial for fostering understanding, support, and healing within the family unit. The article outlines strategies for better communication, gives advice for both parents and individuals in recovery, and stresses the importance of building emotional safety.

The journey of addiction into recovery can be challenging not only for the individual in recovery but also for their loved ones. Effective communication in recovery is crucial in fostering understanding, support, and healing within these relationships. Whether you are the one recovering from drug or alcohol addiction or a family member wondering how to support a loved one in recovery​, learning how to communicate better can make a significant difference. Read on to learn more about communication in addiction recovery and barriers, strategies for improvement, and the importance of healthy communication skills in recovery.

Understanding the Communication Barriers

The Myth of Perfection

One of the biggest myths in society is the belief that familial relationships should be perfect, with parents expecting their children to fit a specific mold. This myth can create significant communication barriers, and can especially hinder effective communication in recovery. Many parents hold preconceived notions about who their child should be, leading to internal conflicts when their child does not meet those expectations. This can be particularly damaging in the context of addiction recovery, where the individual may already feel vulnerable and misunderstood.

Instead of fostering an open dialogue, these expectations can lead to feelings of resentment and frustration on both sides. As a parent, it is essential to recognize that your child is an independent person with their own experiences and struggles. By releasing the need to control or shape their identity, you can create a more supportive environment conducive to honest communication skills in recovery.

Lack of Emotional Safety

The second major barrier to effective communication in recovery is the lack of emotional safety within the family unit. When those in recovery feel that they cannot openly share their struggles, it creates a wall between them and their loved ones. Emotional safety is the foundation for honest dialogue; it allows individuals to express their feelings without fear of judgment or reprisal.

To foster emotional safety, family members must create an environment where vulnerability is welcomed. This does not mean that boundaries should be ignored or that discipline should be absent, but rather that the family unit should strive to be a place of comfort and understanding. When individuals feel safe to share their experiences and emotions, it opens the door for healing, connection, and effective communication.

Strategies for Better Communication

For Parents: Embrace Curiosity

If you are a parent wondering how to help a loved one in recovery, it’s essential to approach communication with curiosity rather than judgment. Learning how to communicate with teenagers may take some time. Teenage years, in particular, are fraught with challenges, including hormonal changes, peer pressure, and the struggle for independence. By letting go of preconceived notions about what your child’s experience should look like, you can gain a deeper understanding of their struggles, and communicating with teenagers will not be so difficult.

Instead of jumping to conclusions or offering unsolicited advice, try asking open-ended questions that encourage your child to share their feelings. For example, you might say, “I’ve noticed you seem a bit down lately. Would you like to talk about what’s going on?” This approach demonstrates that you care and are willing to listen without trying to control the conversation. This will also help break down communication barriers.

For Individuals in Recovery: Own Your Feelings

On the flip side, those in recovery also have a role to play in fostering better, yet assertive communication in addiction recovery. One of the most important aspects of this is taking responsibility for your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. This concept, often referred to as radical self-accountability, involves recognizing your triggers and understanding what is within your control in the relationship dynamic. As a recovering person, communication skills in addiction recovery are paramount.

When discussing your recovery with loved ones, be honest about your feelings and experiences. Share your struggles, but also express your needs. For instance, you might say, “I’m feeling overwhelmed today, and I need some space to process my thoughts.” By articulating your feelings clearly, you empower your loved ones to support you in a meaningful way which fosters better communication in recovery.

Building Emotional Safety

Regardless of whether you are a parent or a person in recovery, creating emotional safety is imperative. If you’re wondering how to support loved one in alcohol recovery, here are some practical steps to foster a safe environment for communication:

• Practice active listening: Show genuine interest in what the other person is saying. Nod, maintain eye contact, and avoid interrupting. This demonstrates that you value their perspective.
• Validate feelings: Acknowledge the emotions expressed, even if you don’t fully understand them. Phrases like “I can see that you’re upset,” or “That sounds tough,” can go a long way in making someone feel heard.
• Avoid blame: Focus on using “I” statements instead of “you” statements. For example, say “I feel concerned when…” rather than “You always make me worry.” This reduces defensiveness and opens the door for constructive dialogue.
• Create a safe space: Designate a specific time and place for serious conversations. This signals both parties that the discussion is important and that you are committed to understanding each other.
• Be patient: Recovery is a process that takes time. Be patient with yourself and your loved one as you navigate the ups and downs of communication. Celebrate small victories and progress along the way.

The Role of Resilience in Communication

As we take a closer look at family relationships, addiction, and recovery, it’s vital to recognize the role of resilience when communicating with loved ones in addiction recovery. Adversity is a part of the human experience, and it is often through these hardships that we develop character and perseverance. Instead of shielding loved ones from difficulties, encourage them to face challenges head-on. This can foster resilience and strengthen the bond between you. Remember to follow fair fighting rules in addiction recovery.

Encouraging open discussions about hardships can help both parties develop coping mechanisms and strategies for facing future challenges. It is a terrific way to begin to learn how to support loved ones in recovery. This not only supports the person in recovery but also enriches the relationship by promoting mutual understanding and growth. Effective communication in recovery is possible with patience, understanding, and work.

Communication in Recovery: FAQs from a Family Wellness Expert

Mountainside’s Family Wellness Program Manager, Brittney LaBonte, candidly shares her thoughts on communication between parents and children below.

What’s the biggest myth society believes about the relationship parents and their children have? 

There is a push in our culture to keep children protected at all costs from hardship. Adversaries are a part of the human experience and are usually what creates resiliency, perseverance, and character. As parents, what’s best is teaching children how to handle hardship, not avoidance at all costs. 

What creates communication barriers between parents and children?

Two things come to mind. First, the expectation parents often have of who they believe their child should be. Instead of taking the time to understand our children, often as parents, we see our children in a certain way, and if they act out of that perception, it causes us an internalized conflict that triggers our desire to control. However, when you think about it, who likes feeling controlled? 

The other barrier I see is a lack of emotional safety within the home. When children feel like they can share their inner struggles with their parents, it is because they have emotional safety within that family system. 

How can parents with teens learn to communicate better with them?

When it comes to communicating with teenagers, I invite parents to drop their preconceived notions of what being a teenager is supposed to be like, and listen to what their teen is experiencing; while trying to have a gentle and curious understanding of their inner world and struggle. 

What are ways adults can find ways to communicate better with their parents?

When adult children are communicating with their parents, it’s important to take responsibility for feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. As an adult, we need to have radical self-accountability and do the inner work of understanding what our triggers are and what is in and outside of our control in the relationship dynamic. 

Are there moments where both parents and children need to step back to reflect on their communication styles?

Absolutely. A book called Fight Right written by Dr. Gottman explains how individuals fight and how to argue effectively. Understanding our communication style allows us to be mindful of our behaviors, tone, and language/word choices, which allows us to improve our communication experiences. 

In the age of people deciding to cut off communication with their parents, when do you feel this is healthy or beneficial?

My default nature as a family clinician is to believe in the possibility of repairing relationships. However, not all relationships can be mended nor should they. If there is abuse, if the relationship has a toxic cycle, sometimes it’s best to minimize communication or stop it altogether. Boundaries keep us safe. Also, boundaries can change, and just because you have closed communication for some time it doesn’t have to be forever if you don’t want it to be. 

more about effective communication within family relationships, Mountainside offers several family therapy and wellness programs that aid not only the person recovering but their family as well.