Anxiety and Negative Self-Talk: How to Cope with Your Inner Critic

Dealing with anxiety can be a challenge and negative self-talk can make it even more difficult. Learning to cope with these challenges can be managed with practice and proper strategies to stifle your inner critic and reduce the impact of negative self-talk.

Self-talk, the use of words directed towards yourself either silently or verbally, can have beneficial effects on emotions but negative self-talk can be damaging. The inner critic, or the internal voice of criticism and doubt, can lead to depression and heighten feelings of anxiety.

Replacing negative thinking with positive, constructive thoughts is the first step in managing your inner critic.

Understanding the Inner Critic

What is commonly referred to as your inner critic usually comes from internalized beliefs, past experiences or comments you heard during adolescence. It can be seen in different ways such as:

• Self-Doubt. You question your own worth, talent and/or abilities.
• Overgeneralization. You see a single event, even if trivial, as an example of your shortcomings.
• Perfectionism. You have high expectations of yourself and are afraid of mistakes.
• Catastrophizing. You anticipate the worst outcome.
• Filtering. When something good happens in a situation, you ignore the positive outcomes and focus on the negative.
• Personalizing. You believe that people have a negative view of you and you are the reason that plans change or something bad happens.
• Magnifying. You make a big deal out of small problems.
• Blaming. You say others are responsible for something that happened to you rather than take responsibility.
• Polarizing. You see things as good or bad – there is no in-between.
• Procrastinating. You say you should do something and then get upset when you don’t do it.

Listening to the inner critic puts your focus on things you’ve done wrong in the past, makes you consider what might go wrong in the present, and has you question what you are capable of doing in the future. This cycle of negative thinking increases self-doubt, worry and stress.

Exploring the Different Anxiety Disorders

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, more than 40 million adults aged 18 or older in the United States, or about 19 percent, have an anxiety disorder. About 7 percent of children in the U.S. ages 3 to 17 experience anxiety and most people develop symptoms before the age of 21.

There are different types of anxiety disorders that affect people in various ways. The most common anxiety disorders are:

Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) – This involves a persistent feeling of anxiety that affects daily life and can often feel unmanageable. It is more than worry or feeling anxious when stressed – GAD leads to ongoing anxiety that lasts months or even years. A person with GAD can suffer from headaches and nausea.

Panic Disorder – Sudden feelings of terror or panic attacks will often affect those with panic disorder. A panic attack is often mistaken for a heart attack because it causes intense symptoms such as chest pain and shortness of breath as well as dizziness, upset stomach and heart palpitations.

Social Anxiety Disorder leads to an intense fear of social interaction. It is more than shyness, but a fear that you will be embarrassed, judged or won’t know how to behave properly. These intense feelings can lead to panic attacks if forced to be part of social situations including work, school or other everyday interactions.

Phobias – An irrational fear of an object, place or event that poses no real threat but triggers adverse reactions. 

Other disorders include separation anxiety disorder, selective mutism, agoraphobia, and substance-induced anxiety disorder. Scientific evidence suggests that anxiety disorders can be part of genetic makeup. The other major factor leading to anxiety is environment. Stress, trauma, abuse, violence and other issues can lead to anxiety disorders.

Strategies to Cope with Anxiety and Negative Self-Talk

Explaining the feelings associated with anxiety to those who have not experienced it can be challenging. For those who suffer from anxiety disorders, it is not helpful to hear that the only way out is through. Learning ways to cope with the daily struggle of anxiety and integrating positive self-talk into your routine is a process that can work over time with continued effort.

Challenge Negative Thoughts

Identifying negative thinking is the first step in challenging that way of thinking. Ask yourself if these thoughts are based on facts or assumptions. Ask yourself if the words you are using in self-talk are the same words you would say to a friend. Consider the situation and ask if there is another perspective or if yours is the only one. Ask yourself what you would say if you were showing compassion.

More often than not, negative thinking is exaggerated. By challenging it, you can see things in a more balanced way. 

Recognize the inner critic – be aware of them and when you notice any type of negative thoughts, label them “inner critic thoughts”. By recognizing these thoughts, you can separate your thoughts from yourself as a person and remind yourself that the critic’s words are just that. These words do not reflect your reality.

Positive Thinking

Try positive thinking and consider the good things that could happen in a certain situation. You can repeat positive affirmations to help you focus on your strengths rather than your flaws. Tell yourself that you are doing your best and your best is enough. Tell yourself you deserve happiness and success. Tell yourself that you are strong and capable.

These small reminders will help rewire your brain to see your potential and not any shortcomings.

Practice Gratitude and Self-Compassion

It sounds simple, but being kind to yourself does not always come easy. Each day, try to focus on the positive things going on around you. Start a journal and write down a few things you are grateful for each day. Train yourself to notice the good and that will decrease the strength of negative thoughts.

Do not feel like you have failed if you have a setback or make a mistake. Rather than criticize yourself, try to comfort yourself in the same way you would a friend. Acknowledge your feelings, don’t make any judgments, and remember that perfection doesn’t exist.

Utilize Behavioral Techniques

Mindfulness is a technique that allows you to stay in the present, be fully aware of the moment, and not react too strongly.

Ground exercises such as focusing on your senses or breathing can help calm anxiety.

Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) helps identify negative thoughts and replace them with alternative ways of thinking. Journaling is a key part of CBT and allows you to track when you have negative thoughts and replace them with positive alternatives.

Manage Stress and Lean on Support

Having a healthy support system is essential to self-care. Friends and family can often give you a different perspective on your thoughts, help you feel supported and less isolated, be a listening ear, and help you remember your self-worth.

Physical activity is also a great way to manage stress. It not only helps reduce anxiety but can also improve your mental wellbeing. Exercise releases endorphins and provides an instant mood lift. Move your body – take a walk, swim, do yoga, use a treadmill – and burn off the negative energy.

Be Realistic with Expectations

Setting goals that may be too difficult to reach is an easy way to spark negative self-talk. Don’t aim for perfection and learn to accept what works. Reducing the pressure to achieve can allow you to make mistakes and lead to growth.

It is normal to experience some levels of anxiety and important to remember that it does not define you. Overcoming self-doubt can be challenging but it will help you establish a better relationship with yourself and others. 

Coping with the inner critic and anxiety takes patience and continued practice. Understanding the inner critic and the anxious feelings you may have will help you to practice self-compassion, challenge negative thoughts and learn coping tools to regain control of your emotions.

If negative self-talk and anxiety become overwhelming, you can find support from a therapist to help you find the underlying causes and learn skills to manage that inner critic.