Not Broken Anymore

Hi, my name is Ryan Y. and I am from Connecticut. I am pretty sure I have had an addictive personality ever since I was born. I always tried to fill that empty void inside me with more love, attention, toys, friends, money, and material things. That carried into my life as I grew older, especially once I started doing drugs and alcohol. Even that was never enough. I always went above and beyond to get my fix, whether a drink or a drug. I ended up destroying my relationships, abandoning my children, getting arrested multiple times, and going to rehab many times. I was even homeless a couple of times. But nothing would stop me from wanting to get high or drunk.

Two years ago in 2019, I was homeless, hopeless, broken, and lost, walking down the streets of Clearwater, Florida, ready to die. I did not want to live. I headed in a direction where I did not think I would ever see any of my children again. However, God had different plans for me. I ultimately hit rock bottom — that moment of complete defeat. I was spiritually broken. I finally surrendered to a higher power and to a program of recovery on Feb. 21, 2020. On that day, I started the journey to recovery that I am on right now.

Today, I am over 19 months clean and sober. I have my children and my family back in my life, including the most amazing relationship with my father. I am full of hope and love in my heart. I am not homeless, and I am about to buy a house next month. I am not broken anymore, but I am still a work in progress. I am also far from lost; I know what direction I am going. My higher power has me on the most beautiful path I have ever walked down in my life. I want to live, and I feel so alive today! It just keeps getting better! It is all thanks to my higher power, whom I choose to call God, and working on a recovery program to the best of my ability every day.

I also went from client to employee here at Mountainside, and I work at the men’s Extended Care Program. We all do recover one day at a time. The best is yet to come, so stay strong in your recovery and wait for the miracle to happen. Trust me – it will.

Alumni Spotlight

Starting Small in Recovery with Jeanne F.

After a journey of self discovery, Jeanne learned to love herself and find fulfillment in helping others. She realized that the biggest joy in her life sometimes comes from the smallest actions.

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Staff Highlight: Jana W.

Hi Alumni!! I am so glad you are staying connected.

I am Jana Wu, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and I am currently the program manager in our Chappaqua, New York outpatient location. I have worked throughout our continuum of care in Resi, Detox, and various outpatient locations since I started my career with Mountainside in 2009.

I am sharing this picture of me in my Resi West office around 2011 or 2012. Our Canaan location will always be special for me. It is an extraordinary place filled with intentionality, where I can feel the energy of the thousands of people that have come to surrender to the mountain to get sober or change their lives. It is palpable.

Don’t give up on yourself and be patient with the changes that take time.
Stay in touch!